I’m hesitant to write this post because its a really personal and vulnerable thing for me, but here goes nothing. This morning I woke up, checked my phone and the date hit me. It has been exactly 1 year since my break up with my ex. Before you freak out, don’t worry I’m not obsessing. I just am good at remembering dates of things. Even if it would be nice to sometimes forget.
Have I dated a handful of people since then? Yeah, sure. Has anything really compared in commitment or intensity of my relationship with M? No. M and I have a weird distant relationship now. We went from best friends to ending it, and that was really hard. I think we both want to be friends, but the longer we go, the more I think we can’t do it. Just too much heartbreak and feelings.
Something that bothers me is hes had 2 “girlfriends” (
well a rebound and one) since me and I’ve had 0 official boyfriends. I don’t know why, but it feels like I lost because of that. I’m aware that those thoughts aren’t rational, but its how I feel. If I was completely honest about it, it still hurts when I think about it. I was broken up with because he couldn’t love me and I currently can’t find anyone else. That just feels really icky. I wish I could shake this feeling today, but I’m not sure I can. I guess today healing looks like just being okay with uncomfortable and moving forward.
Hope you all have a better day than me,
I know its been a LONG time since my last post. Looking back, its pretty clear I was struggling had. Even more so than I was letting on in my writing. In the last 6 months I’ve been through a lot of transition. The following has all been part of my story:
- I’ve moved twice. Out of the house with my ex and temporarily into my parents. It was a humbling experience, but they were essential in helping me heal. Then into an apartment with my current roommates in the fall.
- I joined a work softball league. Its hilarious to watch a bunch of scientists attempt sports ball.
- I went on a NYC/Virginia trip with my good friend Alicia before both of us starting graduate school.
- I started the P.A program which in and of itself is extremely time consuming. But medicine it awesome! I love learning about the human body.
- This summer I was really working on managing my depression and dealing with ending things with M. Letting go of what you thought was your future partner and the fantasy of the life was harder than I expected. Learning to deal with grief has been a major point of growth.
- I’ve gone on a cruise this Christmas with my parents
- I was in New Orleans for New Year’s Eve/Day.
- I visited Nashville.
- I’ve gained and lost and gained weight. Its been a yo-yo thing but I am just trying to go with the flow and find more peace in my life. We are starting to get things back on track again. I will continue my weigh-in-wednesdays.
- I’ve accepted being in 2 weddings this summer which I’m pumped about. Expect lots and lots of dancing.
- I’ve gone on some awkward online dates. Nothing super significant, but plenty of funny stories.
So that is a short abbreviated version of what has been happening in my life the last 6 months. I plan to start writing a little bit more regularly again. My goal is a substantial post once a week, however, it’ll probably be closer to every two weeks. This will be in addition to a weigh in Wednesday hopefully every week but I hope you can give me some grace if its more every two weeks. That all I’m going to write for now. I’ll update on the specifics of my weight journey tomorrow.
Have a good week!