I’m hesitant to write this post because its a really personal and vulnerable thing for me, but here goes nothing. This morning I woke up, checked my phone and the date hit me. It has been exactly 1 year since my break up with my ex. Before you freak out, don’t worry I’m not obsessing. I just am good at remembering dates of things. Even if it would be nice to sometimes forget.
Have I dated a handful of people since then? Yeah, sure. Has anything really compared in commitment or intensity of my relationship with M? No. M and I have a weird distant relationship now. We went from best friends to ending it, and that was really hard. I think we both want to be friends, but the longer we go, the more I think we can’t do it. Just too much heartbreak and feelings.
Something that bothers me is hes had 2 “girlfriends” (
well a rebound and one) since me and I’ve had 0 official boyfriends. I don’t know why, but it feels like I lost because of that. I’m aware that those thoughts aren’t rational, but its how I feel. If I was completely honest about it, it still hurts when I think about it. I was broken up with because he couldn’t love me and I currently can’t find anyone else. That just feels really icky. I wish I could shake this feeling today, but I’m not sure I can. I guess today healing looks like just being okay with uncomfortable and moving forward.
Hope you all have a better day than me,