Posted in Lists, Personal Post

The Benefits of A Dog…& A Cat

Morning All,

For a little over a year I have been house/pet sitting for a retired couple living in Fl. In general I love all animals, but these two have a special place in my heart. Living alone has brought on a few challenges, however, I haven’t been living “alone alone” because of the pets. Thank God for that.

Tootise, is an 11 year old springier spaniel who is overly anxious and lovely. I also have Gizmo, the 14 year old 6lb long haired cat with resting B**** face but is a pur monster.  I love them both. Having gone through this heartbreak living alone they have been my saving grace. Not only does Gizmo snuggle up close when I’m sad (its weird how animals know) but they’re were the only reason I got out of bed 2-3 times a day when first experiencing the heartbreak. I now understand why therapy animals are a thing. I don’t just believe in their purpose, I understand it because I’ve experienced the benefits.

So without further ado…


The Benefits Of Owning A Dog… & A Cat


1- They will love you unconditionally.  You’ve cried off all your make up? You haven’t showered in a week? That doesn’t bother them one bit! They will happily snuggle up with you.

2-Puppy excitement the minute you get home from work. Being greeted at the door everyday with excited sequels is not overrated. Its nice to feel wanted.

3-Dog walks. Taking the dog for a long walk not only makes her happy, but it forces you to exercise a tiny bit (yay endorphins), get into the sunshine (yay vitamin D/fighting SAD), and gives you time to think. Bonus points for allowing yourself to meet the neighbors.

4-Snuggles. The need for touch is pretty high and the way our world works that need is rarely filled. So having an animal to be affectionate with is great.

5-They make it so you have to keep going. You have to get up to feed them or let them out. It may be exhausting to do so during your time of stress but I promise staying in bed all day all the time is detrimental to your health.

6-Petting a dog lowers your heart rate. Just a fun fact I’ve know for years, but yay for heart health. Research has found this to be especially true for men.

7-This is the cat one! Cat snuggles with purring is so wonderful. Admittedly, before this experience I was not a cat person, but Gizmo has warmed up my heart. I always love when she cuddles up and starts purring. Turns out, there is a reason why! The frequency that a cat purs at is good for human health. No joke. You can read about it more here.

There are tons of other reasons to get a dog, these are just some of my top few. If you get a pound puppy not only can you save a life, but it just might save yours. Hope you have a good week.

with peace,

-B

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Posted in Uncategorized

Weigh In Wednesday

Hey All,

Its that same time of week again. I don’t know if you’ve been following my other posts but in general life has been really hard. You can catch up on whats going on by reading my other post here. Eating and exercising well has been the furthest thing from my mind. That being said I have lost weight (about 1 lb), however, its probably mostly water and muscle and will likely swing up next week. Just trying to keep some perspective. Turns out if I’m really sad or anxious I don’t eat. It’ll be okay all the same. Hope you all have a great week.

with peace,

-B

Peak Weight: 250.0 lbs

Starting Weight: 247.5 lbs

Current Weight: 234.6 lbs

Total Weight Loss: 15.4 lbs

Posted in Personal Post

Mental Health, Heartbreak & Resilience

Good Morning,

I’m writing this very nervously, but also with the belief that if sharing my story helps just one person, its worth it. Also, know that this post discusses some heavy things and could be triggering to those who have dealt with suicidal thoughts.

I’m going to be embarrassingly honest right now. I’m beyond crushed over my relationship ending. This break up has been killing me. More than any other break up has before, and that is really embarrassing to admit.  I feel pathetic for being so sad over him, while he is just fine. That being said, its fair considering I was pretty sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man.

Lately, I haven’t been eating because my anxiety makes it hard. When I do force myself to eat, I get pretty sick. I haven’t been able to sleep more than 4 hours at a time. Often less than that.  Leaving me exhausted even though I still can’t sleep. My brain is constantly thinking negative thoughts about myself and the situation. Which just tears you down. Emotionally I’m overloaded and don’t seem to find joy in things I used to. Things I want to be excited about like seeing friends and going out I find tiring and if I do go, its like I’m going through the motions. I can’t seem to focus at work and I just have this looming feeling over myself. One where I have no energy, I’m sad, and that I don’t desire to do anything. Living at home alone, in the house we were supposed to live together in amplifies this.

Pretty much anyone could tell you that all these are pretty classic signs of anxiety, depression, and grief. The problem is, I am someone who is really good at pretending to be fine and hide whats going on. Lets be clear, this isn’t a healthy thing to do. I like to compartmentalize so I don’t lose it at work because once the flood gates are open, I’m not sure how to close them. I don’t talk to people about my problems. I don’t want to make anyone sad, even though I preach to my friends that they can come to me. Its this problem of mine that has isolated me so much and I think has made this that much harder. Its something I want to work on. I need to try to give myself the same grace I give everyone else. I wish I was different, but I just have a hard time trusting people. If you only get one this from this writing I want you to know…


Its OKAY to not be okay. You deserve to talk to people, to be heard, to be loved and known in a real way.


It was after a really scary night where I was genuinely contemplating suicide to end this pain, that I knew I needed help. The realization I had that morning scared the hell out of me. I didn’t want to die, but I don’t know how much longer I could live like this. If you are having feelings or thoughts of suicide, know that this isn’t normal, but you are not alone. That you are sick, and you deserve to get help. Just like someone with a cold, you are ill and there is help out there for you.

If you are in crisis right now please call the national suicide prevention hotline at  1-800-273-8255. You can also visit their website here. If calling is too much you can text 741-741. This is what I actually did myself. They will connect you to other resources such as: 211.org and auntbertha.com. 

So I finally did it. I took the plunge and called a mental health facility to see if I could see a therapist. That phone call was one of the scariest things I’ve done in a long time. I knew I didn’t want to live like this, so I called. Turns out my insurance sucks and I couldn’t afford the place I found. I cried the moment I got off the phone. I felt overwhelmed and sad that even though I desperately wanted and knew I needed help, I couldn’t get it.

Fast forward to the weekend after a few more isolating days. I was at a new low feeling pretty helpless. My mom called to catch up and I ended up telling her what happened. As hard as it was, I’m so glad I tole her. She cried with me. I felt bad about that, but she said she would happily take over the search if I would go. Later this week she gave me the name of a place and a way to follow up. I intend to make some calls after work today.


If you need help, please do not be afraid to ask for it. More people love you than your brain is letting you believe.


Please friends. Reach out. Be resilient in your search. The path to finding help can be bumpy. To be honest, the United State’s system is so screwed up. Something I am pissed about for anyone who has ever felt like me. Be resilient in knowing you deserve this help. Ask friends and family members to help you if its overwhelming. There is assistance out there financially for those who need it. Often therapists will work with you or refer you to other places. As hard as it is to talk, the moment you do it, it gets easier. You are not meant to do life alone. Please, just don’t isolate yourself like I did.

You deserve more than that.together.jpg

with peace,

-B

ps-I apologize for all the grammatical errors and typos. We wrote this post crying and don’t have the courage to edit prior posting.

Posted in Weigh-In Wednesday

Weigh In Wednesday

Hey all,

As promised its Wednesday so here is another weigh in. Turns out last week’s gain may have been a water retention fluke? I dropped supposedly 4.5 lbs in a week, so I think last week’s upswing was really a loss that didn’t show on the scale. Since I can honestly say that I’ve been eating clean again but haven’t been working out. So that must be what happened because I don’t drop weight easily like that. This is especially true since I’ve been dealing with heartbreak and coming home and crying in bed most days. Hope you all have a good week.

with peace,

-B

Peak Weight: 250.0 lbs

Starting Weight: 247.5 lbs

Current Weight: 235.6 lbs

Total Weight Loss: 14.4 lbs

 

Posted in Personal Post

Heartbreak- An Honest Post

Hey all,

I have been holding back for awhile now. Currently, I’m going through a break up with M. I know I mentioned it briefly in a previous post, but honestly its killing me inside. He already has a new girlfriend. They’ve been official for two weeks, and I just found out. I thought I was doing fine and then hearing this news, I feel like I’ve completely reverted. We haven’t even been broken up for 2 months. It took 4 months of dating for us to put an official title on it. A month for him to try and kiss me. So I’m struggling with the thought that maybe he cheated on me. That or I must really not have ever mattered to him at all. All the usual concerns of whats wrong with me and why am I not good enough come back. I don’t know. I’m just aching inside by the fact that I still love him and he is off perfectly happy with a new girlfriend. Totally fine and I’m just the most hurt I’ve ever been.

Irregardless, I’m hurting bad. I’m just not okay.  I’m also working on accepting that that is ok in itself to not be ok. A good friend kindly threw those words of my own back at me the other day. Working on giving myself the same grace I feel everyone else deserves. Hope you’re all having a better week than me.

with peace,

-B

Posted in Personal Post

Procrastination-My Other Spiritual Gift

Hey All,

I don’t know about you, but this week I have been having a hard time with putting things off. Some productive others just the general to do, but either way I’ve been procrastinating hard. For example, I did my laundry but the last load is still sitting in the dryer because I said that is future me’s problem. Or I have a scholarship essay due soon and I’ve written it, but editing sounds terrible. Also I’ve collected a ton of blog post ideas and started them, has a single one been finished? Nope. peace

Now I know all this sounds like not the best practice and I’ll admit, they are not in the long term but this week its been a different story. My mother joked that growing up  procrastination was my “spiritual gift” because instead of writing the paper I had no interest in, I’d clean the whole house, clean and put away the dishes,  remove old clothes from my closet and take the dog for a 4 mile walk only after having worked out myself. Often I’d be productive elsewhere to avoid doing the one thing I needed to most.

The being productive elsewhere to procrastinate other things has not been the case this week. This week I have been generally being kind of lazy. I don’t know what it is, since I’m usually pretty type A, but I’ve been enjoying it oddly enough. The being lazy and kind of still. Yes the chores piling up stresses me out, however, I think I’ve needed to just take a break. I’m lucky to live in a way that I’m only really responsible for myself, so being a bum is possible. But if I were really honest, I’ve found some recovery and peace in doing nothing. I’d encourage you all to take a few moments when possible to do the same and be still. You deserve to be at peace.

with peace,

-B